Bravo‘s The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City had one of reality TV‘s most raw and emotional scenes.

Throughout RHOSLC Season 5, Mary Cosby has expressed concern over her son Robert Jr. Viewers have been given clues that something is going on with Cosby’s son, and the episode that aired Wednesday, November 27, finally cleared things up.

“Robert was like, the perfect child,” Cosby says in her confessional. “He was very good in school, he got straight A’s all the way up until he graduated. When he set his mind to do something, he did it. He was like our prize — very smart, very advanced. That’s the Robert I know. And that’s the Robert I’m trying to reach.”

In a conversation with her son, Cosby asks him to be real with her and tell her what is going on with him, and he confesses to taking Xanax. As the conversation continued, Robert Jr. says he takes Xanax to “chill me out” and then takes Adderall “to balance out the Xanax.”

Cosby asks Robert Jr. if he sees what he’s doing as a problem or if he’s unhappy, to which he says, “Sometimes I feel life is like just chicken unseasoned. But when I get high, it’s like adding seasoning to it.”

Robert Jr. confessed to having started at the age of 16, and after going to a party, someone gave him a Xanax, and he started with other substances like acid, “Molly,” and cocaine.

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“I won’t judge you,” Cosby said as she started to break down in tears. “I can try and help you but you have to help yourself because I’m not going to support it.”

In her confessional for the show, Cosby said she felt disappointed in herself, adding, “I feel like I let him down somewhere. I’m very aware and I do know that Robert did smoke week. I do know that he would eat edibles. But yet, I trusted him in my mind thinking that’s where he would stop. And I was clearly wrong. I mean clearly wrong. I missed the mark.”

Talking to her son, Cosby tells him that he’s blessed to wake up each day and should not waste it on getting high.

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“You know how many people didn’t wake up today?” Cosby says. “You’ll die.”

Robert Jr. tells his mom that he “wanted to die at the time,” adding, “I just felt like a stain. I just felt like this world wasn’t for me.”

“If something every happened to you, do you understand what would happen to me?” Cosby tells her son.

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“You’re the only reason I didn’t kill myself,” Robert Jr. tells Cosby, who then tells him, “You have to know I love you more than anything, more than anything in this world. I think I love you more than dad — don’t ever tell I said that. But you’re my friend, you’re my son, you’re my gift. God gave you to me. You’re the only thing that ever made me happy. Before I had you I was never happy. You came, and you were so real. You was everything I hoped her in a person.”

“I just barely started being happy again,” Robert Jr. said with tears in his eyes.

Cosby asked Robert Jr. to “recognize, own, and change” things because he was still able to.

If you or anyone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.