“The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” just attended a diva convention in Palm Springs—and Lisa Barlow emerged with a gold-star certification. You expect her to fly coach?!
As the world of reality TV has grown increasingly polished, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City has effectively formed an island of its own where moral dilemmas go to die. It’s almost impossible to find a voice of reason, someone who truly embodies exemplary behavior, as even our most self-aware Housewives can’t fight the currents of this bizarre reality.
In Salt Lake City, everyone’s so wrong that they almost all flip around to being right. Now that Season 5 hits the halfway point, the entire cast have reached a devastating crossroads—and yet, they just keep driving into the unknown. It’s all gas, no brakes.
Of the many ways RHOSLC continues to defy gravity, consider this: Tonight’s episode is the first in series history with no appearance from Heather Gay. Our Bad Mormon is in hibernation, waiting in the wings to give another astute end-of-season monologue (if the midseason trailer’s any indication), while the screaming banshees continue their relentless battle.
While Mary opts out of the trip as well, we check in with her for a truly chilling solo scene. It’s been years since Bravo solo footage felt so invasive and harrowing, harkening back to the early days of Orange County. On paper, the scene of Robert Jr. and his wife eating pastry in bed isn’t that wild, but the actuality of it is more disturbing than anything I’ve ever seen.
Back in Palm Springs, Lisa is at war with the entire cast and all of their husbands, at this point embodying that one video of Meg from Family Guy successfully battling a dozen people in a cafeteria. While Heather’s takedown is a more slow-mo operation, Lisa simply spends every day in a constant fight for her life.
“It feels like it’s nonstop. It’s like: Lisa breathes; she did something wrong. Lisa sneezes; she did something wrong. What next? Whose turn is it to yell at Lisa?” knight in shining armor John Barlow says in a confessional, proving he’s a true sycophant for his nutty wife.
Having narrowly survived being ousted from the trip, Lisa enters lunch as brazen as ever, ready to remind the ladies exactly why they can’t kick her out. There would be no show! To be fair to Todd, though, that’s probably his ideal situation.
First, Lisa skewers Whitney for lying about her, not only doubling down, but throwing another jab at Justin, too. Then, she rebuffs Angie and Shawn’s attempt to scold her for her “abusive” behavior toward Angie. Lisa is not sorry for that, of course, nor does she offer a true apology. When faced with the wrath of three couples, Lisa simply radiates in the presence of their hate. Fear only makes her stronger.
That night, the ladies celebrate Bronwyn and Todd’s anniversary with a series of pot-stirring games and convoluted conversations. It’s not quite a vow renewal curse, but this trip celebrating their “love” feels an awful lot like a precursor to Bronwyn celebrating a divorce.
Nothing says love like “lucky for me, Todd travels a lot.” When your marriage is sparking red flags in Meredith Marks, renowned relationship expert of the now-defunct Hanging By a Thread podcast, it’s not a good sign. Maybe, the reason Bronwyn was so mad that Heather allegedly called her a gold-digger and clocked her lack of a prenup is because she doesn’t want to give Heather a win when the inevitable divorce hits. Or maybe Bronwyn loves her husband and just doesn’t know how to express human emotions. It could really be either.
While a silent straggler couple joins the group for dinner, they don’t get to participate in the Bravo-mandated games. Sorry to them. I’d love to know who their least favorite person is at the table.
That’s the best Bravo-based question since last season’s “Who would you throw off your wagon?,” allowing these stars to calmly and collectively announce who they plan to feud with in the final half of the season. It’s a little storyboarding session, really.
And, although Whitney somehow still hates Meredith more than Lisa, she opts for a second duel with Baby Gorgeous. Of course, Lisa doesn’t back down from another chance to serve, as her effervescent, wind-swept energy continues to stun so powerfully that she gets an apology out of Whitney’s husband through sheer stubbornness.
